Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
