I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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