He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
