No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize