It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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