Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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