If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
