Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize