Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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