My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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