Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
