Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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