when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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