You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
