this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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