we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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