is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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