i just had sex bonerless
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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