i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
