I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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