I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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