he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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