A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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