I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
