then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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