I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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