I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
