i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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