The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
