Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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