first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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