how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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