You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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