please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
