On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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