when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
we're so committed to being not committed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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