Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
