Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
