I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize