I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
