you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
