it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
