Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
