so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize