it's not cheating when I paid for it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
