After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
