Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize