Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
