Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
