Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize