I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
