i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
