i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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