he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize