My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
