My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think we might need a safe word for this...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize