u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
