dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
