I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
