"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it's like heaven, but drunker
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
