When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
