so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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