Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
