the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize