ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
