I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
