The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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