So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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