whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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