Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
