Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
