I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
