I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
