On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
