Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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