Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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